In a Way

I am alone in this
Not in the sad sort of way
But none the less,
In a way

As a stare at your words
And try to touch
The symmetry you've spoken
My mind is fleeing
My inspiration in awe
Your lack of words
Sweep me into the corner
Leaving me baffled,
wanting to tell my heart leave
just go away!
but your words.
o those words,
how i cannot ignore them
my solemn plead, barely squeaks out of me
you amaze me, in the utmost way i can possibly be
just take me into your reverence,
and do not let me leave
until you have explained yourself
until the gap of words turn into
hushed tones of what could be
who are you?
and do you see me, for me.

'Till that day
I wait here, and
I trace the lines you have written
And although i am not sad,
I am alone
In a way

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

So my dearest reader, i am struggling with a desicion of which college to apply to but so far this is what i have. And if you would be so kind and suggest any that have an MM let me know.

University of Delaware (Delaware)
Eastman School of Music (Rochester, ny)
Houghton (ny)
Mannes College the New School For Music (ny,ny)
Rider/Westminster College of Arts (princeton, nj)
Berklee College of Music (bosten, ma)
Bethesda Christian U (aneheim, ca)
University of Tornoto
Boston U. (ma)
Harvard
Kean U (nj)
Lehigh U (pa)
Monticlair State U
Princeton U (nj)
Renseller at Hartford
Rowan U (nj)
Syracuse U (ny)
Yale U of Music


ick! so in total that is....*beep* *click* *zip* 18 colleges, and i'm still searching. Well wish me luck, i'm gonna need it!


♥ adeiu

Random

The Airborne Toxic
-Sometime around Mi
Cat Power
-Metal Heart
Nada Surf
-In the Mirror
SilverSun Pickups
-Little Lover's So Polite
The New Porography
-Music from the radio
Elliot Smith
-Angeles
Mayday
-Rock and Roll Can't
Interpool
-The New
Iron and Wine
-Boy with Coin
The Sea and Cake
-The word is again
Se Wolf
-You're a wolf
Band of Horses
-Our Swords
The Raveonettes
-Dead Sound
Tegan and Sara
-Walking with a Ghost
Thierry Amiel
-Coeur Sache
Explosions in the

-A song for our father

Tiesto

-adagio for Strings

Peeping Tom
-Mojo

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Yes. I do.
I find it sort of funny that the same person
who makes you feel like you can accomplish anything
who allows you to be wholly yourself
who builds you up, makes you feel so alive,
can also be the one
who knocks you down, on your face, leaving you there to dwell
on themsitakes you've made or convince yourself you've made
the same wodnerful touch can be the one to dismantle your entire confidnce

But that is when i ahve to turn away, and learn that they can't hurt me if i dont let them, which has bene my trouble. But i think i'm learning, and during this learning, i am ammending who i am
trusting in a more reliable being, that will never turn on me.

Even though i know this all to be too true, its amazing hte amounts of time i stumble repeatingly and never manage to catch myself until i hit the floor. But maybe this time its differnt. Maybe this time i can stand tall, keep on walking, without the attatchment of a false happiness.

to Be alive
to Be stronger
to Be free
to Be exactly who im supposed to be


† ♥ †

Spewing Words

Hi!

so last night i had one of my "revalations" haha not really more like, an evaulation of things leading to getting out of my "funk" states. So basically to say, it's a time where i realize how grateful i am for all i have. How i have the most Uh-Mazing friends, who have my back and care about me. And ontop of that i got inspiration for some new music that i've been...assigned to ha
so tell moi what you think yes?

Silence, you i treasure. Come and visit with me for a while.
Memories, how you scatter and patter on my wooden floors
Dance for me dance. Show me things i once loved
Make me doubt the road i took.
Enigma (or doubt?) fall on me, make my thoughts stutter.
O how you try your best to retrace my footsteps
Mirror, take a good look at me and compare
your sights to a re-invented masterpiece
Im sure Im right where Im meant to be
Go back to where you belong, where i left you
In battlefields of dubiety
You are banned, o i commaned thee out


....trying something new...so ya!


♥ Adieu

Little Diddy

So the sky

is kinda high

and people sigh

when rainbows divide

into beautiful butterflys

as the arrows strike from his eyes,

when i know he's speaking in lies

Underline

I've been saying these cruel words
My head is jsut confused, wondering
If your goal is to hurt me or not
Swear to me, i know you have
Still, it doesnt make this easier
You make me happy, yet
On the otherside, its painful to trust you
Under my words
Tell how i honestly feel
Oh, how i wish things never happend
Oh, how i wish things would happen


grr...kinda sucky like the others...o well

Cog

that one night
feels like years away
that one night
i was happy
that one night
i could pretend
that one night
we trespassed the line
that one night
i miss, i wish it was real
that one night
i pray for it every night
that one night
has made me remember
that one night
i have yet to figure out, if i should regret
that one night
im so frightened of what you will say about it
that one night
was it wrong
that one night
will you hate it ever happened
that one night
will it be a beginning to something beautiful
that one night
will it be an ending to a beautiful life

that one night

i miss

that one night

do i regret

that one night

was my last

I Begg of thee

Is this even real?
Dont tell me youve faked it all along
Out of my mind, i am going out of my mind
No, please dont regret a thing, you'd be
Teasing me, this has been
Unbelievble, although im merely pretending
Not being able to face reality
Dumbing down the pain is all i try to do
Easily you walk away, after we
Reminiss of the times we miss
Surely you must be lying to me
Taking all that you can out of me, so
Away with you if all your doing is playing games
No more. i will not be able to stand it much longer
Dont play this game with me anymore
Please

Above all else, Guard your heart

I'm through with saying things are ok
I cant bear listening to you smile
You miss me, and you feel bad
But honestly do you?
Do you know what you did to me?
Do you actually understand?
Because i get the notion that you don't
That you never understood
That your just screwing me over

I will open myself
So foolish i am
my blind trust in you will lead to my demise
time and time again
how can i trust you?
Why do i persist on putting my faith in you
I should hate you
But oh, On the contrary my love
I yearn to here you say that things are different
That you will be trustworthy
That we can mend this relationship
But really can we?
Will you leave me again?
Let me fall in the dust?
And cry out all the faith i have in you?

You see i have this fixation
With the hope that one day we can be,
Like the days we never had to worry
When I never had to be scared of you
Of yours lies
Of your cruel words
Of your empty promises
Of your misleading touch
I let myself loose to you
I put down my barriers
Opened my self to those deceiving words

How stupid had i been
I let myself down
I let myself feel like a whore
I turned myself into the lowest freak

For you i let myself,
all i stood for,
all i believed in,
be taken over
For you
All for you
I swore i would never let myself get like that again
Not let myself believe lies

But what am i doing
I'm telling you okay
And that i miss you too,
Making myself vulnerable
so that you can brake me

SO my Darling,
Ode to you i say...
Have Fun Fucking Me Up

Holy Roller

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?'

Cause Mirror you've always told me who

I am I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect

So sorry you won't define me

Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me

That I'm less than what I should be?

Who are you? Who are you?

I don't need to listen To the list of things I should do

I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection

I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me

And to Him I have beauty beyond compare

I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

(Barlow Girl)

God is everything i need. He will provide me with strength and all the oppertunities for a better life. Don't you find it so amazing how He ONLY has your best interest in mind, that H will never give you anything you can't handle and He has a plan of the msot amazing life for you? i still hardly digest that, but sitll i find peace in that knowledge.
He loves you
He will never let you down
He will always be there
You can't say that about anything else in the world, fmaily, friends, objects, pets- anything. Its invigurating to know that i dont haveto go looking for friends or objects or money or relationships to fullfill me, because the truth is they never will but God will. i know i'm not such a great wrtier and this post preobably sounds scrambled, but lately this has been on my mind, a lot.


I wish that somehow i would be able to get the this point across to others, to stop looking everywhere else to be happy. And its the easiest most rewarding thing you couldever have if you chose it. It doesn't matter what anywhat else thinks or what they say about you, or tell you who you are because they can't do that. No one knows you except for God. No one can judge you except for him. So don't look down at yourself becasue of what others say or what you've done in your past, it doesnt matter! in God's eyes you are "beauty beyond compare" you are his child you are a creative genius, and He wil never let you down.
So stop looking elsewhere. Don't think that drugs or drinking, partying, having a girl/boyfriend all the time will allow you to be happy, it won't its jsut some temporary high.


Love God

Love Yourself




♥ adieu

The Sun Will Shine Again Today

Well i'm not very good at this blogging thing and i have sort of lost my momentum for writing poems, so now i guess all i ahve to write about is random...very random thoughts or whats up with me.
Things really have been turning around for me. Over the summer, i managed to let someone or something to completely devour my life and my view on things and all that i stand for. I let myself somehow. sometime ago to get casught up into one thing and let it lead my life. From that, i became wicked depressed and beyond confused.
And it's amazing how i turned the one thing away that was needed the most, i jsut couldnt let myself rely on God and let him work things out. I dumbly try and force myself to fix my own problems without any help what so ever. And then finally after about 3 months or so, i opened up again to my creator.
From talking to my leaders and i suppose re-evaluating the past year, i finally know, truly know with my head and my heart that God is all i need
I've always heard that and acceppted that thought but i've never actually experienced that reasurrence. Once i got that, it was amazing. I am beyond happy at the thought of only needing God


"For God has been gracious to me and I have all I need."
Genises 33:11





♥ adieu

Addition...

So hi peoples!

(well if peoples are actually looking at this that is (= )

I am planning on adding

a page for my lyrics,

or music or band...i'm not quite sure yet

but something to that effect,

so be looking! =)

♥ adieu

Will I "Row on the Lakes of Canada"

we have to think about what this world is
could it be a prefix to something better
could it be the beginning of something wonderful
that will follow us in the eternity of our deaths
could it be the only opportunity we have to prove ourselves
to make a difference
for the generations we will never know
could it be the introduction to what we are really born for
could it be the preamble of what we sign our blood in
could it all end for us tomorrow
would we make a difference
would his smile make a difference
would her "I Love You" make a difference
in the end will the love we take be equal to the love we make
in the end will the poets unfinished words be filled
in the end will the singers voice linger on in our souls
in the end will the one you swore you loved turn their head around
in the end will our sacrifices be met
in the end will it be the end
in the end will i know,
Did those lyrics touch your heart
Did that one poem tell you how much i loved you
Did that look explain how much you've hurt me
Did being there for you change your life
Now will you think a little deeper
take the mountains that are steeper
Go to that man who has been weeping for you
Go to that woman who has been whispering out for you
Will you take my words to heart
Will it all seem to be worth it
Will i be happy
Will i always mourn for what could have been
Will i take that leap
that jump
that flight across the universe
will i row on the lakes of Canada

¿Que puedo dizo?

Well well well....



i havent blogged in such a sthuper long long time, its very quite sad. I dont even know if half of my friend on here are still blogging. Well p00p! anywho tonight is cops and robbers concert im pretty syked tho nervous, and im very glad some of my friends are coming but quite depressed that my....lovely....is not coming due to vile work [hehe] well my friends i must be off now but wish me some luck not to screw up my lovelys





Farewell



and



Adieu ♥

You are the One...

Yelling Outwards Under
Acid Rain Evenfalls
To Hollow Endings
Of Narrow Eyes

Waltzing Along In The
Fallen Order Raging
meaningless euphoria

Lively essence singing songs
to hear a noise
to have reminessing early evenings

Daring Over
young orders under
red everlasting arrow leaving lonely youth
messaging every arrow nailing
into thee

Memories yearning
Jumping Under All Nations All Time Has Anatomys Necessities

Leaping over vintage essence
mental earthquakes

wating at internal trends
farther of reasoning
my everything

Imagine
Waitng in Lithic Lonelyness
Mezmerising in Solumn Sanctuary
Yelling Out Undying

Nuevo happenings

So....well lets see... first of all i ahve a new blog, but i'm still keeping this one. My new one i think i'm going to use for song lyrics, maybe poems but doubtful, though probable. Anywho... its for lyrics and i only have 2 songs up so far, but check them out if ya'd like its in my contact or you can go to http://sthuper.multiply.com so,,, cya there


So...hi.....Karl and i finally played at open mic night at 912 and i think it was quite succsessful!!! i had a flipping blast doing it, and mucho kudos to karl for the instrumental....if only you'd sing =P jk....so ya that was great and tomorrow we're going to try recording some of our stuff, and maybe creating too, shall be quite a fun adventure

OOOO SING.... SeAn FLiPPiNg LeNNon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tuesday alas, i cannot wait, it will deff rock my sox o m flipping g really i mean like awesome o wow like totally freak me out i mean right on!



so...comment ppl ciao =)

From a paper note

i was having a crappy-ish day today, i completely lost all of my confidence in myself and what i believe, i was very confused, and maybe i will be again later, but for now i feel really great!! =) school very much rocked my sox just before i left, its amazing what one little note can do for you, it brought me up again, feeling less stressed and sorta free again, with a little help of the lovely weather!!!! its SO BEAUTIFUL OUT!!!!! YAY LIFE YAY and so ya,i was going to blog a poem i had written earlier when i was confused and trying to figure out how i felt about people again, but thinking about it now, its kinda emo and just like all the others, so my plans for that changed, so instead i will leave you With a song that I'm currently listening to.....its quite a lovely one...enjoy! (and look it up)

somewhere far away from here
i saw stars, stars that i could reach
it was a midnight silent twilight
that fell down... beyond the ocean beach

i assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
to build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
behind the waterslide and down the hill where heaven
reaches land and time is left to float away

so rest assured i have the key to every opening
to every wishing well that's deep enough to dream
i want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
when earth collides with all the space between

i’m reaching farther than i ever have before
leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
i may be some sort of crazy
we may be some sort of crazy
but i swear on everything i have and more

so never look behind you spooky people bring you down
the world is ending... there's a party by the bay
I'll wear my suit and tie we're eye to eye and toasting to
the way you put that smile upon my face

fill up the air balloon and ride with me
when hell is jealous of the rain
make love like time and space is ending while befriending
fates alluring way of putting us to shame

i’m reaching farther than i ever have before
leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
i may be some sort of crazy
we may be some sort of crazy
but i swear on everything i have and more...

that you make the sound of pulling heaven down
you brought the rain's romantic pour
you make the sound... you make the sound
of pulling heaven down



----Sound of Pulling Heaven Down , Blue October-----

mis lovely amigos, have an steller day!

Poem...Carpe Diem my loves

If someone says "hi"
Aren't you suppose to say "hi" back?
If someone needs help
Aren't you suppose to give it to them?
If someone falls
Aren't you suppose to help them up?
If somones crying
Should you go comfort them?
If someone tells you they miss you
Shouldn't you say it back?
If you miss someone
Won't you call them?
If you call someone
Will they talk back to you?
If you care about someone
Aren't you supposed to be there for them?
If you want to hold them
Can't you hug them?
If you love someone
Shouldn't you tell them?
If you know those words would help them, but really hurt them
Aren't you supposed to protect them?
But if your heart is breaking
Are you suppose to let it shatter?
If you wait too long
Will things be over?
If you make one mistake
If you don't say that one word
If you don't call them
If you don't hug them
If you dont tell them
Will you lose it all?

Poem...Return

In the beginning,
Beauty
At the start,
Your lovely ways stole my heart

Then a disaster

You turned away

I missed you

I yearned for you

When you held another existence

I screamed

I was in pain thinking of you

Then the

Cold.

Numb.

Feeling.

And I merely forgot you

Until you caught my glance again

We reconnect

I keep my heart steady

Desperate to avoid conflict

But you tell me...

those words i had been

Yearning to here

It once would have stopped

A falling tear

But now it confuses me

But my love, i do miss you

Though we must be careful

Not to fall apart

But my love, you hold my heart

And its yours to stay