This

expanding life to

2009-11-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

tobeginagain.tumblr.com

2009-06-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

http://seizeit.tumblr.com/ its better, go.

2009-06-03T06:49:00.001-07:00

When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object

2009-06-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

the relationship between love and sex.
the relationship between beauty and weakness.
the relationship between infidelity and love.
The difference between reality and this,
borderline simple, a need for answers.
To trust myself and trust in faith is not the easiest
when the high Archy gives you the answers after all has past.
I fear one day, I will go mental, assuming that I am not already.
The difference between mental and normal,
borderline simple, perspective.

LOL, I must read you again.

2009-06-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

This infamous tragedy of a broken hearted man
Has left its stain on the generations
Asking us severely just where we stand
And which world do we live for.
Either way we break, but it's a matter of which way
Do we rise or fall?

I don't know which way to run, does my heart deceive me? Tell me, who is this man?

We tried so hard to reach it that night,
Holding hands, we were searching for the light
Although we looked together desperate for a home,
I'm so scared I found it alone.
Darling please just wait, It's going to be okay,
Just open your eyes.

2009-06-02T19:26:00.001-07:00

I love you. Now, shut up, and just except it. Yes I may be some foolish girl, but I don't care. For now, I am stuck on you. Now, stop pestering me. It does not matter whichever words you choose, I am still going to be mood-swinging, unending loyalty, me. Despite your words, your change and your stupid comments, I love you. And I don't care what you say. Unofrtunately I don't know what I am going to do with you, your like this stray dog that never learns the meaning of 'be gone' and so I take you in, and I enjoy it, knowing secretly, no matter how many times I yell at you, I hoped you'd come back. So I give in, because fighting something with an uncertain ending seems pointless. Now you can be my friend, or be a jerk, either way, things will pan out. I'll be gone in a few months and who knows, I could become very distracted, and honestly I hope I do. But right now, and every morning, I love you.

Just thought you should know.

♥ you.

2009-05-28T10:47:00.000-07:00

Angel wings spread over water worn wishes
Guarding the dreams and the things left unsaid
Here we are wandering, aimlessly roaming
Lovers who linger and never forget

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

Waiting for you by the Santa Maria
How long does thou stay with these letters from you
I don't know whether we'll end up together
But I always know that our love is true

And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

Don't disappear
Darlin', I want you
Don't leave me here
And when the day comes
I'll meet you here
'Cause I know that wishes come true
Finding my way back to you

Angels wings spread over water worn wishes
Guarding the dreams and the things left unsaid
And when it's done we will walk where the road meets the sun

2009-05-25T19:29:00.002-07:00

By the way, your not out of my life. You. I long to say I love you, in a weird matter of sorts, not in the overused sense, but I think you know this already. Soul mates. A word you brought up. Perhaps, I could see that but in which way, I'm still unsure. So hey. Don't run away yet, I'm not finished with you, things have just changed into a new life and a new time, with you still as an anchor. Reciprocate?

'For you, a thousand times over'

<3

2009-05-25T19:29:00.001-07:00

I love the dark hours of my being.

My mind deepens into them.

There I can find, as in old letters,

the days of my life, already lived,

and held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes: I can open

to another life that's wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a tree

rustling over a gravesite

and making real the dream

of the one its living roots

embrace:

a dream once lost

among sorrows and songs.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke ~

2009-05-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

and the desolate sounds are being filled by a haunting notion. Please go away. What am I lacking?

2009-05-15T21:48:00.001-07:00

I am pretty much ready to say yes, to jump in your arms and work on this until my fingers bleed. I'm sick of being cautious, really who am I being cautious for anyways? Myself? probable. The rest of the world? Most likely. So I'm taking this, I want to so badly. Perhaps I'm not strong enough. Perhaps you will always be mine. Either way. Just ask me, that's all, I'm ready, let's go.

dear edith.

2009-05-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

So. hey you. I really miss hanging out with you, and yes, I do very much know we say this all the time, but I feel like I fail to get the point across. I'm glad we're friends and when I say glad, I am saying the sun is shining so brightly that you cannot see anything but it doesn't matter because the sun alone is your friend in those moments. So yes, I am glad we're friends, and i hope my lack of memory or persistencey does not tamper that, I am sry, and I'll probably end up apologizing all the time for my delay in a needed overlooked phone call. But hey i miss you, and I hope you are well, and hey we have music together, because we make music together and hey i love this friendship! and your blogs, wow lol, really wow. thanks, they always make me smile, and actually that was sort of the main inspiration for this, i forget how awesome times can be when we get together, and then i read you blog, pathetic on my part, but amazing non the less. so ya. i feel a little too sentimental here, which is frightening to type out and declare my deed of friendship but tis a new risk...ya explanation on my blog hah. so i guess im at a conclusion, because well, its late and its mothers day by now and i need sleep darn it! but hey you, hug.

2009-05-09T21:01:00.001-07:00

Hey. I've missed you!

2009-05-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

A friend told me that I hold things back, and that I need to say what it is I long to verbalize.

Okay, so.

The question rises: If I take hold of the moment at hand and speak the words that are struggling out, will I still be me or will my words betray all I've worked to become?

My friend would you take back your advice?

On and Off, I return.

2009-04-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

I think forever I'll be waiting for the call back in your arms. No matter how many transfusions I undergo, you will plague me, running through my veins until I can break out or break up. You are my poison, despite the years that have remedied the distance between us, how many other hearts I linger to, I can hear yours loud and clear, truly, I'm addicted, I will never be healthy again. And although this would seem to scare me, it brings a smile to my face, to know that I can love without being loved.

Somehow you know me, while I'll spend my life wondering who you could possibly be, for I have only seen a glimpse of the perfection, but I am satisfied with that. Blind me to the flaws and mistaken lifestyles, I've decided ignorance is bliss.

Because I love...

his imagination

2009-04-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

There comes the time
when 'i love you' will
seem so insignificant
that my silence will
blow you away

In the words of & 'she absolutely defied his imagination'

I see you lying next to me.

2009-04-06T21:52:00.001-07:00

What if I go back to everything I have ever written, all inspired by some sense of love, and forget the original influence of the flesh and replace it with something more pure. What if I make all of it a devotional of a sort, calling out my love to You, the almighty.

It's kind of nice...

in moderation.

2009-04-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

"I know is been years...but do you think of me at all?"

"No"

"Oh"

(constantly)

...Keep your eyes open to hold back the tears.

Too many times as I am drifting to sleep with an ever straining effort, my thoughts wonder to you. I tell them "stop it, go away, and sleep" but they disobey. This causes me to wonder why they are so persistent, and I've reached a conclusion: You are thinking of me too.

2009-04-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yes! Google search can find you the scripture on the tip of your tongue. ei;

So confess your sins to one another
and pray for one another so that
you may be healed. The prayer of
a righteous person has great effectiveness
(James 5:16)

Now go and be fishers of men.

2009-04-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

For as the body is one and has many members, but all
the members of that one body being many are one body.
For in fact the body is not one member but many.
If a member suffers all members suffer with it
Now you are the body of Christ and members individually.
(Corinthians 12)

Whether you like it or not, we are in this together. Whether you accept it or not, we are one. We are connected by the unfailing love of Christ, and not even a lifetime of denial will change the truth of that. We are the body of Christ, and we need each other. Take it or leave it, this is our life.

You got what you came for now leave.

2009-03-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

So even if things don't work out, it's okay. It showed me that there is hope in the future, that I am not too crazy for someone to want me. So it's okay. And the thing is, it has to be because last night I felt that loneliness again, the one I vowed I'd never go back to. So I'm not. I'm staying right here, and working past it all because I have to and I know there will be a better light soon enough.

Now all to do is rejoice in the things I have, how I just forget. And for starters I need to talk with my lovely's again. I will not fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord,
For He has been good to me.
-psalm 13:5-6

If you want me, Satisfy me.

2009-03-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

I've come back from Massachusetts with a new hope.
Rediscovered the wind and the ways that the silence awakens.
Dare say I am excited, yet scared I may be losing what I have been striving for lately.
And the way she sang was so powerful, I am so proud of her.
I'm finding that I play guitar better when I'm not scrapping for words. I like it.
She showed me this song.
'You've become my world, and I'll spend my life exploring'
I showed him my music. I spent hours with him.
He makes me nervous. No one does that anymore.
I think I'll ask him to prom.
So we sang in the grass, under the rays that continue to live.
I will not be defeated again, because I'm worth it.
We both agree, God will find a way. I'm so happy for that. Smile Chica.
I think he understands the beauty in all of it.
I can only pray that my virtues don't bother him.
And so I pray he will understand, and come to me.
Family is amazing. Finding friends in a family, is doubly so.
I just want to sing with all of them. Then the world will be perfect.
I look forward to doing this again soon.
I look forward to talking again soon.
Thank you...

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can't tell dreams from truth
For its been so long since I have seen your face.
if you want me, satisfy me.
if you want me, satisfy me.

And she likes Frou Frou. How wonderful! I love her.
I think I could hug him now, I just wish he would call.
All in good time my love.

awe.

2009-03-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

My mother called me yesterday. She told me not be so hard on myself. I didn't think she was listening when I was trying to hold back the tears the other night, trying in the most modest ways to confess my sins, but she did. She heard me. She told me it was okay. Things are okay now. Thank You. Both.

mothers are the inspiration we forget to give credit to.

Familiarity

2009-03-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

Loves an excuse to get hurt.
And to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
Then hurt me...
Then hurt me....
[bright eyes]

I should really try to remember Regina in these painful in between hours.
...and so she smiles

Let the pain linger

2009-03-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

Advice. I need the inner most calling, to listen to understand what I've been doing so wrong and learn how to fix it. I cannot go back to what I have done, I cannot return to the spectrum, to that show, and it's not who I want to be anymore. I want to treasure this, without regret. Just let it all go. All of it. Down to the last drop, sinking deeper and deeper until it has become consumed by the righteous holdings of the night. Please just take it upon yourself to destroy this mess and make me clean. For I am the utmost tainted, so wrong and alive in the broken actions I have committed. I'm sorry. Can you hear me? Do you get this? I'm sorry. I no longer want to do the bidding,s of the sad a seductress. I just want to let it go, leave it behind me and start anew. I want to know there is something better out there, someone who won't destroy me. How can something so good go so wrong, so quickly without the hint of reason as to why? Tell me! I don't think I'll ever understand, and it hurts me. Time and time again I want to revert back to what he said, to the promise to the open-hearted weekends and days filled in nostalgia. But I so badly want to move on. Perhaps I feel safer waiting in the dusk of my past, for the great fear that my future will not be any more promising. Please tell me, there is someone there. Every inch of being cries out "Help" and yet it is not answered. I've been looking in all the wrong places, so close to being right on the path, but managing to fall ever so slightly short. I don't want to fall, I wish to be strong again, I wish to understand again or if that is too much to ask for, I wish for peace and resistance against things I cannot change.

I want relief, and a story that I can comprehend, absorbing every word whole-heartedly. A Knight is out there hidden in fate, to be reveiled in due time. May God grant me stillness and silence until then.

selah.

2009-03-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer, and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent and praise worthy-think about such things" (Philippians 4:6-8)

~there is no significance in worrying over anything, because God always has your back. It's a comforting thought that at any stage we are in, we have Him to go to, and we are able to find peace in the knowledge that as long as we give Him our all He will reciprocate. We relieve ourselves of the worries and anxieties, that-if focused on too much-will lead us to destruction. When we focus on Him and things of Him(true, noble, right, admirable) then, He is our shield and our guidance.

'God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble' (psalm 46:1)

'In you oh Lord, i have taken refuge, let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue, be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me' (psalm 31:1-2)

'Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may recieve mercy find grace to help us in our time of need' (ephesians 2:8)

'Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see' (hebrews 11:1)

God Bless.

Perchance...

2009-03-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

To my lovely muse (hope your checking this),
...I really can't wait to talk with you, I keep forgetting how much I need you in my life, I've missed your company, and our AP. Right now, I'm sure you are sleeping and dreaming of insane sun rises, So here is my attempt at reaching out to you until we can get in contact, because I feel it's important to help you in some way. Although I'm sad to say I still do not completely sure of your situation or struggles right now, I found some articles that may help, like sermons. So here it goes:
The Deepest Cry of the Human Heart
Feeling down at the top
The 'I Can Handle It' Trap
“If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
Hurting and Passed By
"The Lord has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."
And a nice reminder

i love you chica.

Observation.

2009-03-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

Right, so staying up late might not be the best idea. My emotions peek and my fingers become all to willing to type. Not the greatest combination. So thought; either I'm exaggerating with the inspiration of the most obsolete imagination, or I could be self cleansing in a sense, writing all I feel truly without questioning its logic. Either way, I think for now I am content.

And instant message is a pain, i feel like i could rant for hours, current notice of the night is that the main downfall of instant message and the underlying reason i cannot bear to have a real conversation; there is an undeniably large amount of emotion and reaction lost in translation. The least to say; Phail!

Sometimes, I feel so right, and so clear that I just want to shout to the world 'You are unbelievably loved by the best person that could ever happen to you, who will without a doubt be there always, and give you all you need and then some' And its so easy and makes so much sense, that I wonder how people don't jump to the opportunity right there and then. And again, I wonder how I can keep forgetting this, all too well, too much.

Last. I am very very cold, not that's really new =]

l.o.v.e. and peace-truly

Are you listening?

2009-03-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

Making contact
Through indirect definition
Making yourself known aloud
Through secret and silent words
Making me wonder what your referencing

I sit here and type endlessly, curious if my words are silent and curious of what I should say, as I feel multiple emotions, clicking inside, so strong and so strange, makes me excited yet scared. Should I stray from endlessly typing whatever comes to heart? Or stop, and think, before I let possible words get me into trouble that I am not yet to bear? And from that I have come to this conclusion; I'm looking to a higher power, I will not fear what comes next, I will pray. Endlessly.

your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (matthew 6)

Because the sun is overrated.

2009-03-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

A sudden turn of my head
Slipping in and out of memories
Pick up the photographs
That seem to remind my skin
How to feel. And I listen to
The rain, cutting through my fingers
Waking inside of me
Something I've long forgotten
And the tapping, how the sound persist
Becoming a metronome to my fluttering heart
It stirs something beautiful inside of me
A love song without a heart-breaking resolution;
An eternity of smiles, never to be tainted with.

And so with that I sway
Slipping in and out of memories
Hold up my hands
And let go.
Of it all.
Closing my eyes
To release the final tears
Joining in a dance alongside the rain
Hearing our song abundantly and loudly
Knowing that nothing else ever mattered.
Open my heart, with out an ounce of blame
Glad, that I have forgotten how

And so, I will hold out my right hand
Slipping in and out of memories
While I wait
For a partner
To lead me in a dance of a lifetime
Alongside the rain
I will wait, as long as fate persist
I will wait...

for you.

A sudden slip from where we used to be a year ago.

2009-03-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

A heartbeat skip, relationship
Inside a bubble bath
An icing drip below your lip
So we undo the math
A sudden slip between
My pathetic sedatives
A real-life script of how
Mistakes became our medicine, so

Delay the hurtful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message that I'm
Picking up my chin at last
I said my confidence
It gets stronger when you're next to me
But we pray from miles away
In quest for what we long to be
A heartbeat skip, relationship
So we would stay up late
A teardrop drip below your lip
Beside the airport gate
A sudden slip from where
We used to be a year ago
A real-life script of how
Our hands would hold and not let go

But delay the mournful words
Of complicated overcast
Please take the message
That you taught me how to live at last
But I said my confidence
It gets stronger when you're next to me
But we wave respect goodbye
In quest for what we long to be, but

Everlasting friend-blue october

Your, everlasting friend.

2009-03-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

so. I'm so obsessed with making things better, that to me the notion of letting time heal or change people while I sit back and hope for the best, is just completely outrageous.

Unfortunately, that is what I must do. Despite my desperate longing to fix what I falsely believe I have broken, my time has past. I wish so much that you would get better, that you would see and be all that you have been made for. I pray constantly that you would come to know Him in your own time, on your own path. It's a self learning through a self breaking thing, and I hope that one day you will be able to understand that.

I love you still, but not in the way I did. You will always have the compassion of my heart, but not my heart in itself. Thank you for the good I saw. I can only hope that I've shown you an inkling of good in return.

And who knows. Maybe one day you will talk to me again, come to me again as a needed ear or as a friend. And a part of me hopes that that day will come, and that I will be strong enough to take a new title, lesser but perhaps more important than my last.

Peace be with you, my ever adoring friend. Peace be with you, and so may He

name unknown

2009-03-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Perhaps we think of God in the way they we feel the least fulfilled.

Of something good.

2009-03-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

So my faith breaks because the one I so valued was defeated in his faith
I think it's fair to say that God has shown me his hope to mend my own.

He did the impossible, gave me a sign, gave me peace
Which I have so longed for but never thought plausible.
Thank you God, My love and Savior.

I finally see your hand.

I Smile.

This is the start of something new.

2009-03-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

Although remainders of anger are still floating astray, I honestly wish you the best.

My heart sympathizes with you, at its own grave risk, hoping that perhaps one day

You will be okay. You will be with Him. You will love and be loved for all you were meant to be.

Please don't hate me, for I am not at that hollow word myself,

I ask of you to be at ease, as I have grown to be.

We worked well. We loved. We tore each other apart.

But now there is life to be done. To each our own.

May I offer a truce; God Bless You and all you do.

Becasue this isn't mine anymore.

2009-02-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

and for the first time, wanting this friendship means more to me than the idea of flirtation. My head and my heart concur, the most rare of all things, that to understand him is better than to know him. Jeopardizing this could be more costly than a regret and a bruised heart. I don't want anything more from you than your friendship

I don't want to do Aphrodite's bidding's anymore, I'm waiting for fate.

Understand this everlasting trouble

I'm Sorry.

In the midst of a headache.

2009-02-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

Will you please just sing to me,
It's all I'll ever need.
I think it

can fix

me.

Help
me.Can't
You fix me?
I can feel your
embrace, calming,
I collect myself, just
In time. I will manage
In time, I'll become my
Creators misfortunet deed

Lilith I believe you...

2009-02-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

hey man
evening on the ground
and there is no one else around
so you will
blame me
blame me for the rocks and baby bones
and broken lock on our
garden
garen wall of eden
full of spiderbites and all your lovers
we were
we were born to fuck each other
one way or another
but i'll only lie
down by the waterside at night
hey man
tiny baby tears
i will collect a million years
and you can
blame me
blame me, i will wear it
in the empty hollow part of my garden
garden wall of eden in the clamour
as they raise the curtain
you will
you will never make me
learn to lay beneath the mountain
'cause i'll only lie
down by the waterside at night
[iron and wine]

Favourite Versus

2009-02-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

Proverb 4:23
[Above all else: Guard your heart]

Psalms 46:5
[God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved, God shall help her, jsut at the break of day]

Matthew 25:35
[For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me]

Hosea 2:19
[I will accept you as my wife forever, and instead of a bride price I will give you justice, fairness, love, kindness, and faithfulness. Then you will truly know who I am.]

This isn't it, no it's them.

2009-02-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

God. Is. Here.

I think I found my other soul mate*.

I'm going crazy with all of this mental emotion, but it feels so good, So amazing, like falling in love without the scare of the ground. I'm nearly bursting.

Am i falling for this guy, or am I right, he is my soul mate, yet again,
Am i falling for this guy? No matter the answer, he is meant to be here at this moment in my life.
I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm beginning to find out.
Here's a curious thought, Maybe it's not my life he's in, just someone I'm close to.
I hope for both.

I have someones energy, but i think i gave them mine too.

Someone is here, in me.

*Soul-mate; in ones life there is a collection of these. They consist of variety, yet the connection and power that are involved, is the same. There is the cliche use of the word, meaning "the love of ones life", but there is so much more to it. Yes there is that cliche soul-mate, but there are other categories, like sister, father, friend, religion. All in all a soul-mate is someone that is without a doubt meant to be in your life, someone who gets you, and will truly listen and observe without judgment. It is not enough to say that these people can be considered friends, because it is so much more. It's someone you know it will be okay when you tell them anything; someone who listens, and listens well with not only ears and heart but every part of their being, and in return can calm you with the most beautiful advise; someone who knows when to give you that compliment, and knows how to connect with you on a certain level. A Soul-mate is the key that unlocks specific areas of your life, allowing you to be free in it, and connect the way we were made.

=)

2009-02-04T19:22:00.000-08:00

@@@@@@@@
(n*n*n*n*)
(n*n*n*n*n)
(...... )
) Lillian (
|..+...|
)Edith(
/4-ever\
/ ...... \
______________

To fold over. A happy ending.

2009-02-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today, was just amazing. It's as simple as that. I felt the presence, the connection. I'm so in love with my friends, sometimes they can surprise you, Pop up with this compassion that's often hidden through surface conversation. This rarity blew me away. And whoever I have to thank, weather it be the universe or most probable; God, I thank you. I owe you my gratefulness.

Thank you for making my day complete, I suppose I underestimated our friendship, and I apologize, because tonight, you capped it off. I felt God through you, surprising and ironic I know. But never the less, thank you. All My Love and Eternal Compassion

-a resurrected friend

So let me get this straight...

2009-01-31T21:38:00.000-08:00

Litost is not a word I know.

2009-01-31T19:01:00.000-08:00

Listening to one talk melodically about the magnetism between two people; Hearing one list the endless ways they could fall in love again and again; Listening to one be so completely sure that merely a cup of coffee with a side of conversation could become a lifestyle that could never bore; Listening to one believe this, nay, know this with the purest of their heart,

Humbles Me

Of echos and Age.

2009-01-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

I think of anyone, musicians have a past life; channeling each memory to echo in their melodies

Let me be your melody.

As youth sings, there are endless dreams of wild opportunities open an allowing, but when time takes it's turn, what becomes of the motivation to sing, to move another human? I'd like to think it would purely become soul; love for the freedom and peace for the being. Just to be immersed.

2009-01-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

When my heart has fallen
I will submit to the folly of the hour
When he took my hand,
And danced with my soul
For my body is lost
And somehow he understands

That I could just die tonight
And have no fear of running,
Or losing myself
So please come bury me
In your radiant compassion,
That you hold on tight

I am no longer muerto de corazon

Waiting for his title.

2009-01-24T21:34:00.000-08:00

when one gives into the contrary thought-that things are impossible- thats when they lose it, and are apt to break, and abandon the reality of the big picture, that life goes on and does get better, more than better, amazing

Why does it seem impossible for you to believe that this isn't it, this is not all you get. The world is out there, beyond the barriers you have created in the hopes that she will love you. If she cannot understand, nay, if anyone cannot grasp the fact that you are this incredible being, that is silent, yet so moving in his ways and his soul, then they have missed out on an oppertunity of the most sublime.
You are astounding. You are You. I cannot imagine a world to be happy without that.

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow

back and soften and purify the heart...."
Washington Irving.

Only again

2009-01-21T16:23:00.001-08:00

This.is.ridiculous.

the way you assume that I don't care for you

the way you rest your eyes upon my words, making my want more

the way you go on ruefully about the lasses you had for a night

I could argue with you countlessly,

But right now, no.

I'd rather be by you, to amuse my heart

For now,

I.am.defeated.

Coccaine

2009-01-09T18:10:00.001-08:00

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...

-alanis morissette

Naked.

2009-01-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

See me in all my vulnerabilities. Please, wash away all the covers I hide behind. I welcome you, I trust you for this moment, if you just let me be me, naked and whole. Tonight I give you my hand...

O the outrageous.

2009-01-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

Alright scratch that.

No sympathy needed.

Stop being so naive.

Smile.

I don't want to be the girl.

2009-01-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

I could just hear you. I came so close to listening to your words, so close but not quite. I decided against myself, against my former self that is. The one who would let you in, forgetting all I've learned over the years. But no. Times have changed. My sun is so much brighter now, and care free. I feel that I've finally discovered how to live for me, to find joy and love in the small moments, finding emotions to be my friend and not my enemy. I am no longer chained to you, but I am still shaken by your presence, Oh how i loved you. I did. I've accepted it, I no longer deny the truth; I Was Undyingly Yours.

But here is my new season. I know things will be okay.

And we got so close.

2008-12-22T15:06:00.001-08:00

-kurthasley.com

2008-12-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

Oh, Right...

2008-12-11T15:54:00.000-08:00

I made this a bit ago. Inspiration: unclear. enjoy.

And why do i stay here and watch you swarm away into the hives of shallow hearts? Because I know one day, we will meet as more than just friends, and walk down that road in silence, because we know that words are too much, and yet not enough, because we know what would be said if our mouths could open, and so we walk down that road in silence, satisfied with hand in hand. So i will proceed in this life alone, for the knowledge that one day we will meet as more than just friends.

I can't explain the state that I am in.

2008-12-11T15:23:00.000-08:00

I thought about you again. I find it sort of funny how these spurts lately have been about you. But what can I say, I put on your music, that has now become mine, and you we're my best friend.

My mind wanders, and at the end of the night it comes back to you.

I want a new place to call home, somewhere distant from your memories,

though i have this hunch that you will haunt me no matter.

I miss you. You make me happy. I'm hurt by you. Where will this go?

Siding with my demon.

2008-12-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

am disregarded

I am misrepresented

I once was delicate

But am no longer loved

My lover could not handle me

My creator therefore disowned me, alas me!

The one who was beautiful, who was strong...

Lilith, my dearest love

Tuesday night.

2008-12-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

and I'm pretty sure this doesn't come in a bigger size. Not clear on where that leaves me.

If only...

No.

That most definitely would not work. Hmm...

Put on whatever makes you attractive.

2008-12-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

The pictures. They're everywhere. They have become our identity, no longer moving beings, but perfect photo-shopped pictures. No longer artistic, but rather a stamp, to label us, to allow us to hide behind one single moment, that was most likely in itself artificial. Beneath the typed words, the silence, the picture, hides a human being with the same repulsive habits as you our I, with the same tragedies, and lies, love and deceit. Ode to the internet age, a generation hiding behind a manipulated world.

Lost it

2008-12-07T10:48:00.001-08:00

So, sometimes reading words that put me in complete state of incapacity, that more than often inspire me, becomes unbearably not worth it. How can a simple memory of someone be so tainted by anthers actions, so completely irrelevant to my perspective? I would enjoy some peace finally, I despise distortion.

In a Way

2008-03-31T14:02:00.000-07:00

I am alone in this
Not in the sad sort of way
But none the less,
In a way

As a stare at your words
And try to touch
The symmetry you've spoken
My mind is fleeing
My inspiration in awe
Your lack of words
Sweep me into the corner
Leaving me baffled,
wanting to tell my heart leave
just go away!
but your words.
o those words,
how i cannot ignore them
my solemn plead, barely squeaks out of me
you amaze me, in the utmost way i can possibly be
just take me into your reverence,
and do not let me leave
until you have explained yourself
until the gap of words turn into
hushed tones of what could be
who are you?
and do you see me, for me.

'Till that day
I wait here, and
I trace the lines you have written
And although i am not sad,
I am alone
In a way

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

2008-03-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

So my dearest reader, i am struggling with a desicion of which college to apply to but so far this is what i have. And if you would be so kind and suggest any that have an MM let me know.

University of Delaware (Delaware)
Eastman School of Music (Rochester, ny)
Houghton (ny)
Mannes College the New School For Music (ny,ny)
Rider/Westminster College of Arts (princeton, nj)
Berklee College of Music (bosten, ma)
Bethesda Christian U (aneheim, ca)
University of Tornoto
Boston U. (ma)
Harvard
Kean U (nj)
Lehigh U (pa)
Monticlair State U
Princeton U (nj)
Renseller at Hartford
Rowan U (nj)
Syracuse U (ny)
Yale U of Music

ick! so in total that is....*beep* *click* *zip* 18 colleges, and i'm still searching. Well wish me luck, i'm gonna need it!

♥ adeiu

Random

2008-03-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

The Airborne Toxic
-Sometime around Mi
Cat Power
-Metal Heart
Nada Surf
-In the Mirror
SilverSun Pickups
-Little Lover's So Polite
The New Porography
-Music from the radio
Elliot Smith
-Angeles
Mayday
-Rock and Roll Can't
Interpool
-The New
Iron and Wine
-Boy with Coin
The Sea and Cake
-The word is again
Se Wolf
-You're a wolf
Band of Horses
-Our Swords
The Raveonettes
-Dead Sound
Tegan and Sara
-Walking with a Ghost
Thierry Amiel
-Coeur Sache
Explosions in the

-A song for our father

Tiesto

-adagio for Strings

Peeping Tom
-Mojo

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

2008-02-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

Yes. I do.
I find it sort of funny that the same person
who makes you feel like you can accomplish anything
who allows you to be wholly yourself
who builds you up, makes you feel so alive,
can also be the one
who knocks you down, on your face, leaving you there to dwell
on themsitakes you've made or convince yourself you've made
the same wodnerful touch can be the one to dismantle your entire confidnce

But that is when i ahve to turn away, and learn that they can't hurt me if i dont let them, which has bene my trouble. But i think i'm learning, and during this learning, i am ammending who i am
trusting in a more reliable being, that will never turn on me.

Even though i know this all to be too true, its amazing hte amounts of time i stumble repeatingly and never manage to catch myself until i hit the floor. But maybe this time its differnt. Maybe this time i can stand tall, keep on walking, without the attatchment of a false happiness.

to Be alive
to Be stronger
to Be free
to Be exactly who im supposed to be

† ♥ †

Spewing Words

2008-01-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

Hi!

so last night i had one of my "revalations" haha not really more like, an evaulation of things leading to getting out of my "funk" states. So basically to say, it's a time where i realize how grateful i am for all i have. How i have the most Uh-Mazing friends, who have my back and care about me. And ontop of that i got inspiration for some new music that i've been...assigned to ha
so tell moi what you think yes?

Silence, you i treasure. Come and visit with me for a while.
Memories, how you scatter and patter on my wooden floors
Dance for me dance. Show me things i once loved
Make me doubt the road i took.
Enigma (or doubt?) fall on me, make my thoughts stutter.
O how you try your best to retrace my footsteps
Mirror, take a good look at me and compare
your sights to a re-invented masterpiece
Im sure Im right where Im meant to be
Go back to where you belong, where i left you
In battlefields of dubiety
You are banned, o i commaned thee out

....trying something new...so ya!

♥ Adieu

Little Diddy

2008-01-17T14:48:00.000-08:00

So the sky

is kinda high

and people sigh

when rainbows divide

into beautiful butterflys

as the arrows strike from his eyes,

when i know he's speaking in lies

Underline

2008-01-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

I've been saying these cruel words
My head is jsut confused, wondering
If your goal is to hurt me or not
Swear to me, i know you have
Still, it doesnt make this easier
You make me happy, yet
On the otherside, its painful to trust you
Under my words
Tell how i honestly feel
Oh, how i wish things never happend
Oh, how i wish things would happen

grr...kinda sucky like the others...o well

Cog

2008-01-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

that one night
feels like years away
that one night
i was happy
that one night
i could pretend
that one night
we trespassed the line
that one night
i miss, i wish it was real
that one night
i pray for it every night
that one night
has made me remember
that one night
i have yet to figure out, if i should regret
that one night
im so frightened of what you will say about it
that one night
was it wrong
that one night
will you hate it ever happened
that one night
will it be a beginning to something beautiful
that one night
will it be an ending to a beautiful life

that one night

i miss

that one night

do i regret

that one night

was my last

I Begg of thee

2008-01-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

Is this even real?
Dont tell me youve faked it all along
Out of my mind, i am going out of my mind
No, please dont regret a thing, you'd be
Teasing me, this has been
Unbelievble, although im merely pretending
Not being able to face reality
Dumbing down the pain is all i try to do
Easily you walk away, after we
Reminiss of the times we miss
Surely you must be lying to me
Taking all that you can out of me, so
Away with you if all your doing is playing games
No more. i will not be able to stand it much longer
Dont play this game with me anymore
Please

Above all else, Guard your heart

2008-01-01T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm through with saying things are ok
I cant bear listening to you smile
You miss me, and you feel bad
But honestly do you?
Do you know what you did to me?
Do you actually understand?
Because i get the notion that you don't
That you never understood
That your just screwing me over

I will open myself
So foolish i am
my blind trust in you will lead to my demise
time and time again
how can i trust you?
Why do i persist on putting my faith in you
I should hate you
But oh, On the contrary my love
I yearn to here you say that things are different
That you will be trustworthy
That we can mend this relationship
But really can we?
Will you leave me again?
Let me fall in the dust?
And cry out all the faith i have in you?

You see i have this fixation
With the hope that one day we can be,
Like the days we never had to worry
When I never had to be scared of you
Of yours lies
Of your cruel words
Of your empty promises
Of your misleading touch
I let myself loose to you
I put down my barriers
Opened my self to those deceiving words

How stupid had i been
I let myself down
I let myself feel like a whore
I turned myself into the lowest freak

For you i let myself,
all i stood for,
all i believed in,
be taken over
For you
All for you
I swore i would never let myself get like that again
Not let myself believe lies

But what am i doing
I'm telling you okay
And that i miss you too,
Making myself vulnerable
so that you can brake me

SO my Darling,
Ode to you i say...
Have Fun Fucking Me Up

Holy Roller

2007-11-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?'

Cause Mirror you've always told me who

I am I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect

So sorry you won't define me

Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me

That I'm less than what I should be?

Who are you? Who are you?

I don't need to listen To the list of things I should do

I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection

I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me

And to Him I have beauty beyond compare

I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

(Barlow Girl)

God is everything i need. He will provide me with strength and all the oppertunities for a better life. Don't you find it so amazing how He ONLY has your best interest in mind, that H will never give you anything you can't handle and He has a plan of the msot amazing life for you? i still hardly digest that, but sitll i find peace in that knowledge.
He loves you
He will never let you down
He will always be there
You can't say that about anything else in the world, fmaily, friends, objects, pets- anything. Its invigurating to know that i dont haveto go looking for friends or objects or money or relationships to fullfill me, because the truth is they never will but God will. i know i'm not such a great wrtier and this post preobably sounds scrambled, but lately this has been on my mind, a lot.

I wish that somehow i would be able to get the this point across to others, to stop looking everywhere else to be happy. And its the easiest most rewarding thing you couldever have if you chose it. It doesn't matter what anywhat else thinks or what they say about you, or tell you who you are because they can't do that. No one knows you except for God. No one can judge you except for him. So don't look down at yourself becasue of what others say or what you've done in your past, it doesnt matter! in God's eyes you are "beauty beyond compare" you are his child you are a creative genius, and He wil never let you down.
So stop looking elsewhere. Don't think that drugs or drinking, partying, having a girl/boyfriend all the time will allow you to be happy, it won't its jsut some temporary high.

Love God

Love Yourself

♥ adieu

The Sun Will Shine Again Today

2007-11-21T11:03:00.000-08:00

Well i'm not very good at this blogging thing and i have sort of lost my momentum for writing poems, so now i guess all i ahve to write about is random...very random thoughts or whats up with me.
Things really have been turning around for me. Over the summer, i managed to let someone or something to completely devour my life and my view on things and all that i stand for. I let myself somehow. sometime ago to get casught up into one thing and let it lead my life. From that, i became wicked depressed and beyond confused.
And it's amazing how i turned the one thing away that was needed the most, i jsut couldnt let myself rely on God and let him work things out. I dumbly try and force myself to fix my own problems without any help what so ever. And then finally after about 3 months or so, i opened up again to my creator.
From talking to my leaders and i suppose re-evaluating the past year, i finally know, truly know with my head and my heart that God is all i need
I've always heard that and acceppted that thought but i've never actually experienced that reasurrence. Once i got that, it was amazing. I am beyond happy at the thought of only needing God

"For God has been gracious to me and I have all I need."
Genises 33:11

♥ adieu

Addition...

2007-11-14T13:40:00.000-08:00

So hi peoples!

(well if peoples are actually looking at this that is (= )

I am planning on adding

a page for my lyrics,

or music or band...i'm not quite sure yet

but something to that effect,

so be looking! =)

♥ adieu

Will I "Row on the Lakes of Canada"

2007-11-07T16:01:00.000-08:00

we have to think about what this world is
could it be a prefix to something better
could it be the beginning of something wonderful
that will follow us in the eternity of our deaths
could it be the only opportunity we have to prove ourselves
to make a difference
for the generations we will never know
could it be the introduction to what we are really born for
could it be the preamble of what we sign our blood in
could it all end for us tomorrow
would we make a difference
would his smile make a difference
would her "I Love You" make a difference
in the end will the love we take be equal to the love we make
in the end will the poets unfinished words be filled
in the end will the singers voice linger on in our souls
in the end will the one you swore you loved turn their head around
in the end will our sacrifices be met
in the end will it be the end
in the end will i know,
Did those lyrics touch your heart
Did that one poem tell you how much i loved you
Did that look explain how much you've hurt me
Did being there for you change your life
Now will you think a little deeper
take the mountains that are steeper
Go to that man who has been weeping for you
Go to that woman who has been whispering out for you
Will you take my words to heart
Will it all seem to be worth it
Will i be happy
Will i always mourn for what could have been
Will i take that leap
that jump
that flight across the universe
will i row on the lakes of Canada

¿Que puedo dizo?

2007-08-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

Well well well....

i havent blogged in such a sthuper long long time, its very quite sad. I dont even know if half of my friend on here are still blogging. Well p00p! anywho tonight is cops and robbers concert im pretty syked tho nervous, and im very glad some of my friends are coming but quite depressed that my....lovely....is not coming due to vile work [hehe] well my friends i must be off now but wish me some luck not to screw up my lovelys

Farewell

and

Adieu ♥

You are the One...

2007-04-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Yelling Outwards Under
Acid Rain Evenfalls
To Hollow Endings
Of Narrow Eyes

Waltzing Along In The
Fallen Order Raging
meaningless euphoria

Lively essence singing songs
to hear a noise
to have reminessing early evenings

Daring Over
young orders under
red everlasting arrow leaving lonely youth
messaging every arrow nailing
into thee

Memories yearning
Jumping Under All Nations All Time Has Anatomys Necessities

Leaping over vintage essence
mental earthquakes

wating at internal trends
farther of reasoning
my everything

Imagine
Waitng in Lithic Lonelyness
Mezmerising in Solumn Sanctuary
Yelling Out Undying

Nuevo happenings

2007-04-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

So....well lets see... first of all i ahve a new blog, but i'm still keeping this one. My new one i think i'm going to use for song lyrics, maybe poems but doubtful, though probable. Anywho... its for lyrics and i only have 2 songs up so far, but check them out if ya'd like its in my contact or you can go to http://sthuper.multiply.com so,,, cya there

So...hi.....Karl and i finally played at open mic night at 912 and i think it was quite succsessful!!! i had a flipping blast doing it, and mucho kudos to karl for the instrumental....if only you'd sing =P jk....so ya that was great and tomorrow we're going to try recording some of our stuff, and maybe creating too, shall be quite a fun adventure

OOOO SING.... SeAn FLiPPiNg LeNNon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tuesday alas, i cannot wait, it will deff rock my sox o m flipping g really i mean like awesome o wow like totally freak me out i mean right on!

so...comment ppl ciao =)

From a paper note

2007-03-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

i was having a crappy-ish day today, i completely lost all of my confidence in myself and what i believe, i was very confused, and maybe i will be again later, but for now i feel really great!! =) school very much rocked my sox just before i left, its amazing what one little note can do for you, it brought me up again, feeling less stressed and sorta free again, with a little help of the lovely weather!!!! its SO BEAUTIFUL OUT!!!!! YAY LIFE YAY and so ya,i was going to blog a poem i had written earlier when i was confused and trying to figure out how i felt about people again, but thinking about it now, its kinda emo and just like all the others, so my plans for that changed, so instead i will leave you With a song that I'm currently listening to.....its quite a lovely one...enjoy! (and look it up)

somewhere far away from here
i saw stars, stars that i could reach
it was a midnight silent twilight
that fell down... beyond the ocean beach

i assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
to build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
behind the waterslide and down the hill where heaven
reaches land and time is left to float away

so rest assured i have the key to every opening
to every wishing well that's deep enough to dream
i want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
when earth collides with all the space between

i’m reaching farther than i ever have before
leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
i may be some sort of crazy
we may be some sort of crazy
but i swear on everything i have and more

so never look behind you spooky people bring you down
the world is ending... there's a party by the bay
I'll wear my suit and tie we're eye to eye and toasting to
the way you put that smile upon my face

fill up the air balloon and ride with me
when hell is jealous of the rain
make love like time and space is ending while befriending
fates alluring way of putting us to shame

i’m reaching farther than i ever have before
leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
i may be some sort of crazy
we may be some sort of crazy
but i swear on everything i have and more...

that you make the sound of pulling heaven down
you brought the rain's romantic pour
you make the sound... you make the sound
of pulling heaven down

----Sound of Pulling Heaven Down , Blue October-----

mis lovely amigos, have an steller day!

Poem...Carpe Diem my loves

2007-03-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

If someone says "hi"
Aren't you suppose to say "hi" back?
If someone needs help
Aren't you suppose to give it to them?
If someone falls
Aren't you suppose to help them up?
If somones crying
Should you go comfort them?
If someone tells you they miss you
Shouldn't you say it back?
If you miss someone
Won't you call them?
If you call someone
Will they talk back to you?
If you care about someone
Aren't you supposed to be there for them?
If you want to hold them
Can't you hug them?
If you love someone
Shouldn't you tell them?
If you know those words would help them, but really hurt them
Aren't you supposed to protect them?
But if your heart is breaking
Are you suppose to let it shatter?
If you wait too long
Will things be over?
If you make one mistake
If you don't say that one word
If you don't call them
If you don't hug them
If you dont tell them
Will you lose it all?

Poem...Return

2007-03-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

In the beginning,
Beauty
At the start,
Your lovely ways stole my heart

Then a disaster

You turned away

I missed you

I yearned for you

When you held another existence

I screamed

I was in pain thinking of you

Then the

Cold.

Numb.

Feeling.

And I merely forgot you

Until you caught my glance again

We reconnect

I keep my heart steady

Desperate to avoid conflict

But you tell me...

those words i had been

Yearning to here

It once would have stopped

A falling tear

But now it confuses me

But my love, i do miss you

Though we must be careful

Not to fall apart

But my love, you hold my heart

And its yours to stay

Poem...Ado

2007-03-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Two beautiful souls
I cast my eyes upon you both
Bot competing for my attention
I glance between them
Afraid to suddenly move
I must be careful not to deceive
Two beautiful souls
Why spy me?
Don't try to touch
We can't, i forbid it
I need strength
I need you to walk away

....repress these words...

2007-03-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

i miss you
i cant have you
all of these things getting in my way
i have to stay in the distance, while
i miss you
i cant touch you
it would bring confusion
it would bring happiness along with pain
i miss you
i cant fix things
i never realized how much i hurt you
i never realized what my words could do
i miss you
i cant tell you
only in my dreams may i be with you
becasue for now you are forbidden to hold, and to tell
i miss you

Singin in the Acid Rain

2007-02-25T15:52:00.000-08:00

Hey i gots some new lyrics, so ya I'm posting this for Feed Back so, FEEEEEEED! and criticism is encouraged :) plus like order the verses if ya want I'm not sure how too arrange them, thnx

Boy meets girl and romance is high
Days pass, Weeks pass, months pass for you
Always in Euphoria, the love has come so fast
It feels its going to last, you swear its going to last

(chorus) there goes that boy, walking around
there goes that girl, she never saw it coming

Boy you assured in her mind, you would stay
But as time went by, you ran away
With words so true how could you do
This to her, she only wanted to love you

All the words you said so sweetly
Did you ever mean them really?
Girl you don't know what to do, whether to love or forget
The choice wont be easy, but you need one clearly

The beautiful ways you'd walk together
I thought it would last forever
Beautiful souls, don't lose your hope
May memories not be last of you both

(bridge, but ending)
You reach out into each other souls
And remind of the passions that once stirred in you
But now it is over
But is it really over?
It might not be over
If you say you love me
Oh say that you love me
Just one more time hold me
Just say that you love me
Just one more time
Say that you love me...

Holy Monkeys Vacation!

2007-02-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

Whoa..yeah...very busy but wow with crappyness comes super bonding yayaz

Monday...Oy Vey mostly but wow hanging with Shan-an-an muy divertido, consisting of mucho venting, Lots o' Reesys (honestly the only way to mend a girls heart) Then some more venting. Then the Sims2 for like hours and hours and I'm for hours oy very stressful, but insightful, then the Sims again the next day with the lovely character Pineapple ;)

Tuesday...Gmas hizzle and my lovely addiction to myspace kicking in

Wednesday...To mi padres. A day full of talking talking talking talking the grudge 2( i can honestly say the worst movie ever, like the same plot as the first but less interesting so like Vanilla Ice covering his own song but in a hardcore metal style) talking talking talking Lily Allen (holy moly that chica is amazing very Girl Power (chk "not big" ) and talking talking. Then Yippee off to J-wickaty-wise's for the Ultimate Showdown: Star wars the first of the originals good shtuff, and wow....hearing Princes Leah being recited as a dude....priceless

Thursday...Well i got to hang with me other chica homey Caroline and the day took off with an unexpected change of plans, but never the less entertaining and cold. Tubing turned into Hard Core snow ball fight and CTF. A wonderful game of running while us musicians stay behind and rest. And oo lala warmness and tea and long amounts of talking on the stairs and mmmmm smelly pretty lotion, gotta love it! Then a very long night of more talking but it was very useful for moi and gave me a closer connection to la chica

Friday...Wake up And Cracker Barrel yumm yummm and wasting the day away with shopping and long random talks of all. very very awesome. And as soon as i get home, 10 min to shower and pack, then off to vocal lessons for a half hour, then off to Jamie's for el sleepover con las muchas chicas, wow like 2/3 hours of gossiping about American idol, Greys Anatomy (both in which i had no clue what they were talking about) Cute actors, old shows when we were wee tykes, and Of course school gossiping, wow very confusing it was. Then yippee a movie and Cranium, the greatest game i must say, but it needs to come with the warning "May cause over excitement in the case of a correct answer, that may lead to punching the ceiling" but it was all good

SaTERDay...early wake up call around 7oo (when i had went to bed around 1ooam) to coffee, mmm the joys of coffee. Arrive at the church an hour later, and travel to Smuels caffe to volunteer clean. and o Boy did we underestimate the coldness, burrrrrrr is all i can say. So mi and las chicas traveled to Price chopper to warm up, oo goody, so we were warm, though unfortunately for the chicos, they were left behind to freeze, o sad sad, ahh well there was hot chocolate, nothing better in the world

lastly Sunday...not much, other than Church, church, talking, venting for the millionth time and this BLOG oo this blog

Overall this vacation has brought sadness, heartbreak, doubting but also closer relationships, insight, a better bond with my friends, a closer relationship with God and learning ****love ya all who was with me this week, it helped more than you know****

<3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_67">unsolo alicia

C.O.E.X.I.S.T.

2007-02-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

Religious differences...

Equality....

RELIGION: commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance; a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith (Websters dictionary)

There are so many different religions out there, and so many different belief systems, values, morals, and priorities. You have Christianity, Wicca, Hinduism, Taoism, Judaism, atheist and so many more that I'm sure i haven't heard of. We may all disagree with some aspects or many aspects of each others faiths, but does that mean that we have the right to demean them?

I will respect your beliefs regardless of whether i believe them or not, and in return i would hope you could respect mine. Yes i would prefer you agree and follow my God, but if you don't agree, or feel it doesn't fit with your life, that's OK, I'm not going to shove it in your face, but don't go ahead and bash my place of worship, my God or how i praise my God.

If you find something in life that you feel dedicated to and that makes you genuinely happy, something that gives you a clear vision on life, and something to positively guide you on your journey, than i am happy for you. Cause really thats all that matters, finding the right path for you.

I whole heartily respect you if you are firm in your believes and you stick to what you say. I respect you if you are truly into your belief and are dedicated to it, and are involved. I just CANT stand it when people are wishy-washy on their faith, and just worship or go to their place of worship on certain holidays, or Sabbaths or whichever you may call them. And I'm not saying i don't like you because you are learning about many religions (and FYI when i say religions i mean atheist to, its a religion considering you believe in no God and practice that belief everyday) I encourage you to expand your view of religions. And I'm not bashing you if you aren't sure what you believe in, cause that's OK, everyone was once unsure. I'm just saying stick to what you say. Don't talk the talk and not walk the walk.

And here's something i don't get and it kinda got me mad. I am very very happy for you if you have found a church that is meaningful for you and you can worship with everything you have there comfortably, but that doesn't give you the right to bash my church, and it doesn't really make sense anyways why you- considering we're of the same religion and beliefs and God and savior- would disregard my church, shouldn't you be Happy for me too? i mean we agree on the main aspects of religion, how can you insult someplace else where they are trying to spread the same beliefs that you have, just because they educate in a different way, doesn't mean its wrong.

Well i guess that's pretty much my shpeel, but mostly what i guess I'm trying to say is, just because you may have different names for your God or Gods, or Goddesses or no God, doesn't mean that you should bash others who believe in life differently with crude words and judgement. Have tolerance for other religions, even if you may not agree with them, have respect for them regardless.

LET US COEXIST

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Poem...

2007-02-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

...a lil bit of an older poem like a week or so ago, and oo lala subliminal messages, feedback?

Day after day i stand by you
Over and over you linger through my mind
Never will i stop caring
Though i'm afraid the same isn't true for you
For now i am in euphoria
Other days i'm in despondency
Ripped apart, completely in sorrow
Grieving over what i have yet to lose
Everlasting, i thought we would be
Though as time keeps passing
More and more it feels your running from me
Everlasting, i hope we will be
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Is this the Ultimatum

2007-02-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

The Problem
-What is going on? Why is everything different? I can sense it but your not telling me. I sit next to you but there is a wall, there is something in the way of everything, a cold boundry is set between us, and I don't know why...but soon enough the answer...Seperate

But why?
-What did I do wrong? What did I say? What didn't I say? Where did I make my mistakes? Could I have supported you more? Should I have listened better? Should I have givin you space? Did I ever make you happy? These thought just float around in my mind, I know this shows my lack of selfesteem, but don't these things bring out the best in us.

My directions: Cry, Breathe, Repeat.
-This is the first step, my intitial reaction to the shock. But with talking, or at least whatever breath I could stablize to make any sense, I vent. The only thing I can do, painful and hard but still I do. Then the talk. A very helpful one to remind me life is good, and its not my fault. And lastly and the best. THE POWER OF PRAYER. I really think people underestamate this, but once I prayed with the ones around me, those to help me, I could start to relax, feel better and feel no sympathy for myself, but the realization of my surroundings.

W a k e u p
-Its not about me. Its about how I can help others and encourage those in need to be better. There are people that don't realize how special they are to an abundace of others. There are people that don't realize they have an amazing personality, that they are wonderfully unique and looked up to. There are people that don't realize that they are loved not only by the people around them, but by the best of all by God. I don't think they realize that no matter what pain they have been through or caused, or what wrong acts they have commited, they are ALWAYS forgivin by God and he doesn't see them as a horrible sinner but an equal to all men, He sees them as a CREATIVE GENIUS, A Beautiful and important aspect to his plans.

I really hope that these people realize that, even those in mankind can also FORGIVE them for whatever they have done, that they still love them with everything they have that they would sacrfice their own feelings for the other persons.

---I hope you know that I would for you---

Thank you for those who have listened to my shpeel recently and for consoling me and for your prayers, but don't pray for me, pray for those people who don't feel love and forgivness***

You are in my prayers
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